An expression of stress

I have the tendency to go straight from feeling no motivation whatsoever to being incredibly stressed out. It's very bad for creativity and productivity.

When I'm in a situation where I feel I've got a lot to do, as now, it makes it incredibly difficult to do anything at all. I feel stressed out and if I don't particularly feel like working on what I should be working on then I feel too guilty to do anything else including things that will help me relax. I end up eating copious amounts of time focusing on this inner struggle when I know it would truly be more effective if I took a legitimate break and went for a walk, played a game, or did some other unwinding.

I am historically bad at taking breaks. In my first of year university, I felt I had so much to do (on top of my commute) that I rationalized that I didn't have time to eat, sleep, or even drink water. I ended up dropping 15 pounds (which is a lot for someone my size), and becoming painfully constipated. When I worked at the mall, they didn't enforce breaks too closely so I would often forego my fifteen minute break because it would be a more effective use of my time to keep working, and time would feel like it went faster. Even now, I don't drink as much water as I should partially because I hate having to take frequent bathroom breaks wherever I am and whatever I am doing.

Lately, I'm not going into work terribly a lot. Across my two jobs I've been working on average 33 hours a week or so. The trouble comes when I get home or it's my day off and I've got all this Anime North stuff looming over my head. I hardly get a  moment of peace to myself. I keep telling myself that in June I will have time to take a break and have a social life, but for now, I'll be sewing all day at work and then sewing all evening when I get home.

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